As part of the rehabilitation plan on this unit, every few weeks each patient has a goal planning meeting. This consists of a discharge planning nurse, liaison nurse, consultant, psychologist, social worker, physiotherapist, occupational therapist, plus me and my family. I think that’s everyone at least. So, in this meeting there are multiple points discussed; progress made so far, main goals and aims, and expectations/ questions.

In my previous goal planning meetings, I have set goals and made plans, and some I have met whilst others have fallen by the wayside. For instance, previously I was aiming to go home around this time (end of November). Whilst that would have been fantastic, the infections and time on bed rest I’ve had meant that I missed therapy, and therefore that was impossible. Obviously that’s not an easy pill to swallow (hospital pun intended) but on the plus side, I do now get extra time in therapy; I want to get as much as I can before I go.

Getting to the point of this post, in my previous goal planning meetings I have always walked away (pun intended) feeling as though the goals are unrealistic and I will never achieve what is expected of me. Now, for some reason, I feel much more confident. I am often told by certain therapists that I am too hard on myself and, whilst this may be true I’m not going to change. It’s my way of pushing myself further.

I have my next planning meeting coming up this week. I’m a little bit nervous if I’m honest; I expect that this will be the decider of whether or not I’m allowed home for Christmas. I’m not going to dwell on it though, as one thing that I have learnt is that I no longer have control, and I’m just along for the ride. Que cera cera, or something like that.

In conjunction with the meeting, I’m setting myself a number of personal goals to meet. I want to be able to transfer into cars soon, I want to regularly publish on here, and I want to start a podcast. I feel that having goals and reviewing them on the regular helps me stay focused. What goals do you have? How do you ensure you meet them? Drop me a line and let me know!

At the moment, I’m finding it incredibly difficult to be in hospital. Not for any one particular reason, but anyone who knows me will agree that I’m easily bored and have no patience. Ironic that, being the patient and all. Anyway, I’m struggling, and there is no shame in that I think. Sarah is being incredible as always, and spending time with her and Amelia is by far my favourite thing to do. The same goes for seeing my family and friends; even just for a while, I can be distracted and forget that I am stuck in here.

It’s really difficult to word right; whilst I am free to leave and under no obligation to stay, this is by far the best place for me to be. I’m still enjoying my physio and OT sessions, the therapists are absolutely brilliant and pushing me past the limits even they thought I couldn’t breach. Unfortunately, it’s the rest of the time that’s the problem. I’m not saying that I’m as bad as I was during my HDU time or when I had the infections, but hey ho. I suppose the point of this is to share that I am okay with finding it difficult, and therefore everyone else can be too. Woo, words of wisdom right there. Have that for free!

Yesterday I went to see Frozen 2. Obviously that was for Amelia’s sake, but I’m not gonna lie it was great. I was less interested in the film, but more so in having that precious family time that I’ve missed for the last four months (almost). It was brilliant just to be a normal family for once, albeit one that takes the lift instead of the escalator. And sits in the place reserved for wheelchairs. And blah blah blah…

I’m definitely learning to appreciate what matters in life. The people, the moments, the memories; Is this what being an adult is about? Less of the wanting fancy things (although I do like the odd treat) and more about just being in the moment. I’m terrible for not taking enough photographs (Sorry Sarah!) But all of those memories are engraved in my brain.

Overall, I’d like to just point out again that it’s okay not to be okay, especially when you get the help you need. I have all the help I need around me, and for that I am eternally grateful. I just can’t wait to go home.

On a very final note, the podcast might happen, keep watching this space. Or listening. Or don’t. I dont know.

Well, what do I say. I’m finally out of isolation, which means I have been able to rejoin my therapy and, more importantly, have a few trips out to the Toby Carvery. Woohoo! Solitary confinement, as I have come to know it, is not easy. It really does take a toll on mental health, which in turn slows down physical recovery. It is very hard hearing this little world I’m in go on around me, whilst I am stuck in my room. But oh well, I’m back now.

Being out of my room also brings the joy of being back in my wheelchair, albeit for only a few hours each day. I slowly had to work it back up; I started with 30 minutes, then an hour, then two… Currently I’m at 6 hours, which is good enough for now. I’m also focusing a lot more on transfers using a Slide Board (or transfer board) which is very physically demanding but fantastic for me. Hopefully I will soon be able to transfer In and out of cars, and so can go home or out and about without paying for taxis.

These last few weeks have been incredibly hard, I’ll be honest. Thankfully I’ve had plenty of distractions, but the mind can be a nasty place when it wants. I’ve missed out on a lot of things, not just physio and other rehab but I’ve not been to see my new home, not seen my friends, I’ve not even wanted to write. But here we are, out the other side.

In other news, I’ve had an MRI; hopefully this will tell the cause of the tingling sensation in my arms so we can sort it out. I’m getting stronger by the day, and although it’s not painful it’s rather annoying to get pins and needles every time I look down!

I’m also thinking of starting a podcast, talking about spinal injuries as a whole, my experiences and Injury, but other stuff too. If anyone has any idea or even thinks it’s a good idea, please drop me a message!

One final note is that all through this experience, people have been there for me that I didn’t even think of, and others that I thought would be have not. I’m extremely lucky to have such a fantastic, broad range of friends, and those that have stuck by me truly are fantastic.