At the moment, I’m finding it incredibly difficult to be in hospital. Not for any one particular reason, but anyone who knows me will agree that I’m easily bored and have no patience. Ironic that, being the patient and all. Anyway, I’m struggling, and there is no shame in that I think. Sarah is being incredible as always, and spending time with her and Amelia is by far my favourite thing to do. The same goes for seeing my family and friends; even just for a while, I can be distracted and forget that I am stuck in here.
It’s really difficult to word right; whilst I am free to leave and under no obligation to stay, this is by far the best place for me to be. I’m still enjoying my physio and OT sessions, the therapists are absolutely brilliant and pushing me past the limits even they thought I couldn’t breach. Unfortunately, it’s the rest of the time that’s the problem. I’m not saying that I’m as bad as I was during my HDU time or when I had the infections, but hey ho. I suppose the point of this is to share that I am okay with finding it difficult, and therefore everyone else can be too. Woo, words of wisdom right there. Have that for free!
Yesterday I went to see Frozen 2. Obviously that was for Amelia’s sake, but I’m not gonna lie it was great. I was less interested in the film, but more so in having that precious family time that I’ve missed for the last four months (almost). It was brilliant just to be a normal family for once, albeit one that takes the lift instead of the escalator. And sits in the place reserved for wheelchairs. And blah blah blah…
I’m definitely learning to appreciate what matters in life. The people, the moments, the memories; Is this what being an adult is about? Less of the wanting fancy things (although I do like the odd treat) and more about just being in the moment. I’m terrible for not taking enough photographs (Sorry Sarah!) But all of those memories are engraved in my brain.
Overall, I’d like to just point out again that it’s okay not to be okay, especially when you get the help you need. I have all the help I need around me, and for that I am eternally grateful. I just can’t wait to go home.
On a very final note, the podcast might happen, keep watching this space. Or listening. Or don’t. I dont know.