Is this thing still on?

Check one two, check one two… hello? Hi! It’s me, Sam. It’s been a while, hasn’t it? I’ll start by explaining my absence. Firstly I’ve not known what it is that I’ve wanted to say. It’s not for lack of trying, I guess it’s just a bit of writer’s block (though I realise I’m no writer) and I’ve not been able to get things out of my head and onto paper. Secondly, there has actually been a fair bit going on. New kitchen which was a nightmare suitable for an x- factor sob story, lots of work related stuff, and I’ve just been very tired. So, enough of that, if you’ve read this far you might as well stay until the end – are you sitting comfortably? Then let’s begin.

The first thing I guess I need to mention is the fundraising that I pushed on you all – if you’ll pardon the pun – which has now ended. Thank you so very much to each and every one of you that’s helped, whether that’s donating, spreading the word, sharing the posts on Facebook… every little bit of assistance has helped me and more importantly the PFC trust to not only reach the goal we aimed for, but to smash through it. The support was overwhelming and truly I cannot express my gratitude enough. I did have a video ready to go on my completion of the sessions, however with things like work getting in the way I didn’t get chance to post it, so my apologies for not providing an update sooner. To summarise, not only did the aim of £50,000 for a caravan be met overwhelmingly, but the incredible people behind the PFC Trust, Frances and Patrick, provided another one too! Sometimes caring pays off, and those two wonderful humans have to be some of the most caring people I’ve ever had the privilege to meet.

So onto the kitchen. As part of our bungalow, our awesome OT and the people she works with came together with us and put together a plan for making the most of our very limited kitchen space. This involved building a wall where there was a door, adding in an oven at a more appropriate height, and the best bit – height adjustable worktops! The overall design was made with as much care and consideration as possible, meaning creating a space that was both aesthetically pleasing and functional. The actual process of installation was a fair old hassle, however now it’s done I couldn’t be happier. The freedom to actually use my own kitchen is a real novelty; though I still have plenty of excuses to avoid doing the washing up.

Work is going very well too. I have always been of the opinion that I’ll not have an office job, though my injuries have kind of limited my options. Thankfully I have a job that I love, I’m progressing well, and I’m learning more and more as time goes by. I’ve had the opportunity to work with some incredible people, meet some really good mates and (probably the most important part) prove to myself that I’m not limited – I just have to be a bit more selective in what I do.

In a nutshell, that’s it! Nothing more to report. End of the line. Oh, well, Sarah and I are getting married in a few weeks, so that’s exciting, but that needs a post all of its own! Finally I’d like to say sorry to those of you who have followed me for so long for the lack of activity from me – I guess it really is one of those “life has gotten in the way” type scenarios. Take care folks.

Happy Mother’s Day!

I have some incredible women in my life, and today is one of the days that we set aside to show our appreciation for our mothers!

Now I don’t know if I’ve made it clear on this platform, but I have a mum. She has looked after me all of my life, and continues to do so. I couldn’t wish for anyone else to be my mother, despite me thinking I was accidentally swapped at birth and should belong to a big crazy rich family – but I digress. My mum has always put my sister and myself, and now Amelia too, first. She has pushed to better herself for both her own and our sake, and she is by far one of the most incredibly inspiring people I know of. She is the reason I am as stubborn and determined as I am, and I’m often told how much like her I am. To me, that’s a huge compliment. We may not always see eye to eye, but I know that should I need anything at all she will be the first one there – and I hope that she knows that I would do anything for her too. Love you mam.

There’s another mother in my life that I see on a fairly regular basis. She wasn’t a mother when I met her, yet now she is the standard by which I rate my parenting. Sarah is the most loving, devoted, and slightly over the top mummy I could ask for to be mother to my daughter. She’s never ever shied away from the job, and she certainly does a good job. I’m proud to say she is my fiancée, I’m proud to say she’s Amelia’s mum, and I want to say how proud I am of her and how much I appreciate you. If Amelia could write a blog, I know she would say the biggest I Love You mummy ever.

Now without getting too deep into this, there are certainly a few other ladies I need to mention. My grandma is, has always been, and always will be one of my biggest fans and best friends. Love you, gram. My nana is a force to be reckoned with, and thanks to her I have my dad. Not sure if that’s a good thing or not (sorry dad) but there we go – love you nan.

On mentioning my dad, thanks to him I gained my step mum Shazza! She’s another incredibly lady in my life, and thanks to her I’ve in turn gained another huge family. My brother and sisters are testament to how much of a good mum she is, and I am lucky to have her in my life, and I genuinely can’t imagine how different my life would be without her.

Sue, Sarah’s mum, is another incredible lady that I am very grateful to know. She raised an amazing daughter, and she is an amazing grandma to Amelia, so thank you Sue. Finally, head of the table on Sarah’s side of the family is Joyce, Sue’s mum. She has made me feel like a part of the family from the very beginning, she is a kind and caring lady with a fierce love for her family, and again I am honoured to know her.

I could keep this list going on and on, and there’s plenty of people I’ve not mentioned that I could, but I’ll leave it there. Today is a day we honour mothers for the hard work, dedication, commitment, sacrifice, and most importantly the love they share with and for their children. I hope everyone has a lovely day.

One of my favourite pictures – my mum, Ciara and myself on my mum’s wedding day. Yes, it was a while ago, I’m aware I’m stood up. Love you mam, and thank you.
Do I even need to mention who this is?!
Wow, that’s an old photo, look how young we all look! Love ya shaz x

Happy birthday to me!

Another year over, and a new one just begun! This is a very quick post to say how grateful I am to be here to celebrate this, my 23rd Birthday. This time last year I was fresh out of hospital, still in a tank of a wheelchair, and barely managing to get through the day without severe pain. Now, I’m living life as best I can! We may be locked up but I have a job I love, a much better chair, a beautiful home and, most of all, a really good quality of life.

There are many who look at me with pity or think I don’t have a good life – they couldn’t be more wrong. I have a huge loving family, some of the best friends I could ask for, and so many reasons that help me get up in the morning. There was a point at which I doubted I would see this day, and so I wanted just to share how happy I am that it’s here.

With lockdown in full swing I’m celebrating quietly with Sarah and Amelia, but as soon as we’re allowed we will, in the words of the artist formerly known as Prince, party like it’s 1999. If only Jack Daniels was as cheap as it was then. Cheers!

Rolling for the Trust

We have all had a bad time in lockdown. It’s been long and difficult, especially lockdown 3, and because of that we have all had way more than our fair share of doom and gloom. Whether in the news, on social media, or just talking, there has not been much of a positive atmosphere lately. That is why, when I was offered the chance to do something positive, I (figuratively) jumped at the chance!

THe PFC trust is a charitable organisation dedicated to improving the lives of people around Hartlepool. At the start of this year, they launched a new campaign – U change Lives 25. The aim of this campaign is to raise funds to buy a caravan, which in turn will provide the young carers of Hartlepool with a well deserved holiday. Did you know, on average a carer spends 25 hours a week caring for a loved one? As someone who has been on the receiving end of that type of care, I understand the importance of recognising the incredible work that carers do. Sarah was literally a lifeline for me and whilst I am independent now, I would never have reached this point without her help and support.

A typical carer spends 25 hours a week caring for loved ones. Taking this statistic as a starting point, The PFC Trust has launched a new fundraising initiative for 2021 based around the number 25. Initially, we are aiming to raise £50,000 to fund a new caravan for Hartlepool Carers, with additional sums being used as part of the Trust’s COVID-19 response.

The PFC Trust

If nothing else, this campaign is hoping to shine a light on the little-acknowledged world of young carers, and how much we as a society take for granted just because we cannot see what’s going on behind closed doors. Oftentimes we, myself included, think of a smart uniform and a big building when we think of carers, but this is often not the case. A lot of the time it is family members who step up and look after loved ones, which in itself is a huge undertaking – imagine coupling that with going to school/ college etc, looking after siblings… These young carers are truly selfless and this campaign will really do good to show appreciation for the work they do.

If you want to know more about The PFC Trust, you can find them here: They do incredible work supporting the local community in Hartlepool by bringing about the type of support that is often overlooked – they provide vouchers for things like utilities and broadband to those who need them, as well as providing donations, grants and scholarships to organisations and individuals. The charity has been around since July 2019, the same amount of time that I have been injured, and one quick glance at their work demonstrates just how dedicated they are.

So, with all of that said, what will I be doing? Well, I should say ‘What will WE be doing?’ as Sarah and Amelia will be joining me. In answer to that, I’m going to do what I do best, push a wheelchair – more specifically mine. Over the course of 25 days I will push 25KM, which with a bit of calculation works out at 1KM a day. That may not sound a lot, but it’s a lot more than I am used to pushing regularly, and I will have to fit it in around work. Now obviously there are some sensible terms I am imposing such as I don’t want to be out in adverse weather as it takes me hours to dry off and warm up, so the 25 days may unfortunately not be quite consecutive; that said rest assured I will complete this challenge. If you wish to donate then my Just GIving page which links directly to The PFC Trust is Alternatively I can take cash in, although I would prefer to avoid this where possible. Obviously the times we are living in dictate that we should not leave home without good reason, which is another factor I have used in deciding my challenge – I can leave my house and not have to drive, as this is simultaneously my daily exercise allowance. The COVID thing is also the reason I am avoiding cash wherever possible, to try and reduce my interactions.

So there it is, my challenge for the next month or so. I feel that this could not have come along at a better time – the 11th of February marked 1 whole year since I was discharged from hospital. I did have a whole post ready about the trials and tribulations we have all faced, and how this wasn’t the year I had expected, but it has been that way for us all. I feel that this is a much better way of celebrating my release, and it may hopefully bring some benefit to those who deserve it most too.

Working life: the sequel

Once upon a time, there was a man who could ride a motorcycle. That man was not me. That man could stay working during the pandemic! I cannot. Well, not in my normal way.

I had a call this morning from one of my lovely supervisors, and together they have managed to sort things out for me to be able to work from home. I won’t be doing my usual role, as that can only be performed in the office, but this is a part of it that I enjoy and I’m glad I’ll still be able to contribute to the team in any way at all. I’m still frustrated at not being able to carry on as normal, but I have accepted it a bit more now, and I certainly understand why.

This virus spares nobody. It doesn’t pick and choose, it just keeps going. There is no sense to it, no pattern or plan. When I think of it in general, the first word that springs to mind is scary. Plain and simple. I am not afraid to admit that it scares me. The thing that scares me more, though, is how relaxed other people are. This time last year, we as a nation were blissfully unaware of what was to come. There was nothing but a small news article here and there, talking about a new strain of flu that was making people ill in Asia. Now tough, we have all seen the effects of it far too much. We’ve heard the daily briefings, we’ve seen the graphs in newspapers, we’ve felt it when it’s come too close for comfort. Yet still, there are people blatantly flaunting the rules. All over instagram, facebook, twitter… take your pick of social media. Why is it that people don’t care any more? Is it that this has been going on so long that it’s classed as normal? Is it that people feel like the rules don’t apply to them? Or is it that they just don’t care?

People all over this planet have been affected by this virus. There have been many different reactions, mostly positive. From following the rules, clapping for carers, using the app, this country has shown more than ever that in a time of crisis we can come together. Now though, it feels as though that unity has gone, and for what? This is not about reclaiming freedom. This is not about living life normally. This is about saving the lives of others, particularly those who are classed as Clinically Extremely Vulnerable. People like me.

If we can hold it together for a while longer, just until this vaccine rollout gets to a point where we’re safe, then we will make life a whole lot easier for everyone. Here’s hoping that we can manage that long.

Hello?! Anyone still there?

Belated Christmas Wishes and an early happy new year! I am still alive and not kicking, just had a mountain on my mind and it’s not been in me to start writing again until now. I hope everyone had a lovely Christmas, despite everything going awry. Hopefully one of these days we will begin to see good news on the tv that we are on the way out of this crisis. This year has been a hard one for a lot of people for a lot of reasons, and I think we will all be glad to see the back of it.

So, where have I been? Well. Between my new job, adjusting to a new shift pattern, planning a wedding and dealing with the restrictions of Covid, it’s been a bit hectic. The job has far and away been the biggest thing to try and process. There has been a huge amount to learn, and with my poor memory that has meant a lot of studying and revising. Thankfully my tutors were fantastic and got me to the point where I can keep my head above water. I love my job, and every shift brings lots of new challenges and things to learn, but it’s all good and I’m happy with what’s going on.

I completely underestimated the toll that 12 hour days and nights would take. The shifts themselves are fine, but the time between them is seriously cut by my specific conditions. What I mean is that where others can walk out, go home and go to bed, all of that takes me much longer. Getting my chair in and out of the car, changing to my shower chair, even getting dressed all takes much longer than it would should I be able to walk. That’s not a sob story looking for sympathy, it’s just a fact. It all adds up, which means by the time I come off a night shift into my first day off, I’m completely wiped. I’m sure it will get better as I continue to get used to it.

Christmas was a lovely time, it worked really well as my days off meant that I was due to go back in Boxing Day but managed to get a holiday in and go back on the 27th. Amelia had great fun all through December with her elf who most certainly was not on a shelf. Between building a tin can drum kit and wrapping the Christmas tree, they certainly caused mischief. The big day itself was fantastic; Sarah cooked us a beautiful dinner, and we were all spoilt rotten (me and Amelia were definitely the winners there). Sarah wanted a puppy and was not amused when she unwrapped a stuffed one, so watch this space for when I simply relent and let her get one.

Other than the above, there’s not a great deal to report! We’re all feeling the effects of the middle of winter coupled with the latest lockdown, but that deserves a post all to itself.

Working wonders

Diving back into the world of work was never going to be easy. I’ve had so long off that going back is not only a huge change mentally, I have to consider the physical side too. Between forgetting my meds and sitting still watching powerpoints in training for too long, the physical bit has so far not gone so well… but never mind. I’m loving being back in work, and I’m enjoying overcoming the challenges it brings.

I’ve always said I’ll never work in an office environment, but clearly the situation I find myself in doesn’t really lend itself to physical/ manual labour, and therefore I’ve found myself a bit limited. That said, the job I’ve got is (so far) extremely interesting, valuable, and rewarding. For those wondering I am being intentionally vague, as due to the nature of my job I don’t really want to name it, but suffice to say I’m interested in my work; it’s not quite where I would ever have imagined I’d be, but it isn’t bad by any means.

As well as work, I’ve been carrying on pushing and making progress in the gym. I’m by no means where I aim to be yet (still a big lad) but I’m trying. It’s been hard with work and the tiredness both pushing me to say “sod it, not tonight” but so far I’ve resisted temptation. Alex has been great in this department (as always) and if you follow her page, you’ll have seen that she’s got me up in the standing frame again. That’s not been easy, but it’s great to be vertical for a little while. The health benefits are incredible too, so please go check it out if you haven’t already! Look for Peak Potential on Facebook!

It is going to get a bit easier, as in the next few weeks I’ll be changing from Monday to Friday, 9-5 to shifts of 4 on 4 off. The days I’m on will be hard, but it will give me more chance to work out during the week, and more chance to see that little light in the sky called the Sun. More importantly, it will give me the opportunity to have a really good work/life balance. As much as I love my work, family and friends are the reason I have such a good life, and so I need to maintain that good balance.

Overall life has been absolutely hectic lately, hence the lack of posting, but now I’m hoping to get back to it on a more regular basis. I’ve had a few really interesting days at work, I’ve had the opportunity to visit some really interesting places and learn a lot. I’ve also got some really exciting things coming up off the back of my hospital board meeting, so watch this space for more info hopefully very soon!

On a final quick note, as we enter a new lockdown scenario, I want to take the time to remind everyone of the community spirit we all found in the first wave. Check in on neighbours who have nobody to help them; keep in touch with family and friends who are struggling; and look after yourselves. No two people have the same experiences day to day, and everyone helping each other can really change someone’s life for the better. Take care all!

From the eyes of my Angel

This is a post not from the infamous wheelchair Sam, but from his incredible Fiancée, Sarah. Please read her brief account of the events that happened following the crash, and hopefully we can share an insight into our world from another perspective. This has been a long time in the making as Sarah is not usually as open and public about things like me, but I am really glad she has done this. I may be the one who crashed, but there are so many other lives affected, as this post highlights…

It’s amazing how many emotions you can feel within a week. 
One moment I’m heartbroken and in shock after getting the call and not knowing what was happening. Dread sat waiting to see him at 4 in the morning after his first surgery. Fear every morning calling the hospital to hear how Sam was overnight. Excitement being able to sit by his side, seeing his gorgeous face and holding his hands even though he had no idea I was there. That sick feeling I got every time doctors and nurses spoke about keeping him asleep for longer. But the relief I felt when that day finally came and Sam was woken up and he knew that he wasn’t alone and that I’d been there the whole time. 

I didn’t quite realise how hard it would be to be away from Sam for so long; we went from spending every night together to nothing, even when he was on lates at work or on a job at god knows what time, I knew he would always come home. At one point I actually thought he’ll be fine he’s going to wake up and walk out of her any day, yet each day I woke up as if I was in a living nightmare not knowing when he would be able to come home. 

ICU was honesty the hardest part of Sam’s journey, but there would be still be lots more obstacles that stood in our way. The move to HDU was a massive success a lot quicker than we thought, I still had fear every time I would call up to see how he’d been. There were a few highs that happened in HDU that kept us going, such as Amelia finally getting to see her Daddy after 18 long days and even with a million wires, tubes and medical staff, we were able to go outside for 5 minutes of fresh air. 

As much as moving to spinal was massive step forward , what I thought would be smooth sailing, was anything but. I shed a lot of tears over the next five months, it was an emotional whirlwind, I had to pack up our first family home without Sam and move into a little bungalow that he’d never even seen, I had to sit and watch Sam go back into HDU and isolation after getting infection after infection, I cried so many times just holding his hand thinking would he ever be able to come home.

Just as Sam always does he surprises me, he’s so stubborn that there was no way he was missing Christmas, he was coming home even just for the weekend, he got stronger and I sorted the house that was the deal and you can bet that we kept it, it was all worth it when Sam got in the car on Christmas Eve and didn’t have to go back for a couple of days. It was perfect, Sam home for Christmas. 

After a gorgeous Christmas things started to look up we knew it wouldn’t be long until Sam was home for good. There was a lot of continuous rehab for Sam and learning to work as a new team. Finally discharge day finally came and although so many emotions came back up, the one thing that never came up was if we could do this. No matter how many things have been thrown our  way it never crossed my mind to ever walk away. This journey took us to hell and back but it also made us a lot stronger and I’m so thankful to everyone that has supported us. We couldn’t have done it without our families, friends, and the love we were shown by so many people.

Learning how to live together again has been anything but easy, we’ve had to learn new ways of doing things and there is so many things that go on just to be able to get out on time, BUT I can tell you one thing, I wouldn’t change anything! I’m so proud to be by your side❤️

Day one after coming out of a coma Sam wrote this to me on a white board and I’ll always have it with me forever❤️

Late to the party

Over the weekend, we had a very important day to focus on a very big issue; world mental health day. Not something often talked about until recently, mental health is a truly important topic and we all owe it to ourselves to take it seriously.

Having talked about my hallucinations in ITU previously I don’t want to flog a dead horse, but even now I still get moments where I have to take a second to ground myself. There’s times where I panic, or forget reality. But that’s not a bad thing! These things happen, we all have bad days, and we all have our ways of coping.

I’m keeping this very short for a reason; there are many people better qualified than me to talk about this subject. If anyone is struggling, please reach out. My inbox is open, or you can talk to family and friends. There are even specialty helplines and web chats for this type of thing! Don’t suffer in silence!

Reaching my Peak Potential!

Two laps of Stewart Park today, as evidenced by my new best friend Strava. Who knew I had it in me?! Well, I know one person who knew: Alex, my awesome PT. Today she did something really cool other than coming out in the rain with me; she did a lap in a wheelchair! Now, whilst that may sound a bit strange, it’s actually brilliant. As someone with no experience of a spinal cord injury, Alex cannot understand what everyday tasks like pushing around a park are like, nor can she understand what it’s like to have to move your legs in and out of bed by hand. Whilst the second part is extreme, the first part is not, and she decided to do something about it!

As a sports therapist, Alex has a brilliant understanding of the human body and the way it works. The only problem is that I don’t use my body the way most people do, and so for her to hop in a chair and actually experience what I do is certainly above and beyond. As she says in her own post on Instagram (Peak_Potential) “The main thing I’ve learned is there’s so much more to being in a chair than just ‘Pushing is hard work’!”. Personally I really appreciate the lengths she has gone to, just to put herself in my shoes and personalise the approach to my training.

It was an interesting session today. Pushing 2 miles sounds pretty easy, but when you factor in hills, camber, mud, moss and so much more it quickly adds up to a fairly decent cardio session. We did two loops of the park and Alex was in the chair on the first. With this being her first outing in a chair she was quickly feeling the burn in a different way than she is used to, which meant a pretty easy time for me. The second loop though… well the less said about that the better. I think you could probably hear me coming before you saw me with all the puffing and panting going on. The interesting thing though was that Alex received a few comments that she still isn’t quite sure how to take. Nothing offensive of course, but a few off the cuff remarks that those of us in chairs receive on the regular. I think it was a bit of an eye opener as to the way in which people treat those of us in chairs differently. Nonetheless, I am very grateful Alex put herself out there in order to better understand my needs, and how she can tailor the work we do together more accurately.

The smiles were absolutely not this bright after the second lap!

A final point from today is that I’ve realised how much improvement I have made over the last few months. There is still a very long way to go for me to get where I want to be, but at least I know I am heading in the right direction. I’m feeling rather stressed at the moment (more on that later) but today has certainly shown me that we cannot predict the future and I am allowed to have positive hopes for what is to come.