Here I go again… on my own?

Back in hospital, how thrilling. It’s hard to come back here with a positive attitude, especially when I just enjoyed a lovely weekend with my family. Home is much more, well, homely than hospital will ever be. I’ve learnt a few things this weekend, and not all of it has gone to plan or been particularly good or noteworthy, but I’ve enjoyed myself nonetheless.

One thing I have learnt this weekend is that despite all it’s misgivings, I’ll miss having the safety net of the hospital there when (if) I am eventually discharged. It’s a strange feeling; I really dont want to be here, but this is the place that I have spent the vast majority of the last six months, and suddenly I won’t be welcome anymore. Not a bad thing I suppose; being thrown in at the deep end surely is the best way to learn. I’m hoping to soon be booking appointments for my new chair, and that will make the experience of eviction all the more interesting.

Another thing I have learnt this weekend is that I do rely on people a lot more than I realise. The small things people do are often big things in disguise, and I really do appreciate everything people do for me, despite how I may seem sometimes. It’s hard to have all these emotions in your head, and sometimes the wrong ones pop up at the most inappropriate times. I’m not going to use any excuses or say it’s not my fault, but even when I’m an insufferable idiot I appreciate everything.

One of the hardest things about this entire situation is that no matter what you do, it’s not just you that is involved. The physical aspect may be mine, but there is much more to an injury than just one person. My family and friends have been through the ringer; watching me go through the physical aspect is, put simply, just as taxing. Mentally it must be torture to watch someone you love go through such an ordeal, and I can only say thank you to those that I am lucky enough to have in my life.

As a final thought, I have one last take on this weekend. One final lesson learned. No matter where I go, or what I do, injury related or not; I’ll never be alone.

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